This morning at 7:45am I arrived at a Bodies By Cindy Bootcamp with Lindsay & Natalie. It was an incredible workout & I cant wait to go back! Im going to call this week and sign up for a 3x/week package. If anybody wants to go, they have free bootcamp on Saturday mornings! While I was there, I ran into my friend Gwen's husband, Jeremy. He said he's lost 70lbs in a year!!! He goes 4 times a week to bootcamp! As if I wasnt motivated before, that pushed me over the edge. Im ready to get my fat ass in shape! After today that is, because after bootcamp Linday, Natalie & I went to Waffle House. Dont judge me.
Last week I posted that I was working on a Pre-Nup for my Marriage & Family class. Ill post it here if youd like to read it, but beware, its pretty lengthy. Also keep in mind, some of this shit we really dont care about, but I had to answer certain questions for my assignment.
Endogamy
Which endogamous characteristics are important and why?
For Whitney: It is important to have a relationship with a white, middle to upper class man, who has or is in the process of obtaining at least a bachelor’s degree. It is important to have someone who “will share common beliefs, values, and experiences” (Newman, 2009, p. 206).
For Chris: It is important to marry a college educated, independent woman, ideally in the middle or upper class.
2. What happens if you receive social pressures (parents, friends, priest, etc.) to marry into an endogamous group that your spouse does not fit into?
Whitney and Chris are lucky in that all family and friends support their relationship.
Cohabitation
1. Is it acceptable, not acceptable, or preferred? Why or why not?
We both agree that living together before marriage is preferred. We intend to use cohabitation as a “testing ground for marriage” (Newman, 2009, p. 223).
Communication Style
1. Which communication style is preferred for the relationship and why?
Our desired communication style is the vital marriage, as discussed in Newman’s text (2009). We will share “intimacy in all important aspects of life” (Newman, 2009, p. 218), but will not lose our separate identities.
Social Expectations
1. How is interdependence going to be acheived?
Interdependence will be achieved because we depend on each other to provide “needed resources” (Newman, 2009, p.210). They both depend on each other for companionship, intimacy, friendship, and affection.
2. How is equity going to be achieved?
Whitney and Chris both recognize that a relationship is constantly changing and may not be ever be completely equal. They are both committed to working on the relationship through whatever life throws their way. If someone is feeling under or over benefitted, they agree that the best thing to do is communicate openly about our feelings.
3. What kind of commitments are going to be made?
We are committed to a life-long journey together. To us, that means being devoted to our partner, making sacrifices when necessary, and continuing to invest, “maintain, and improve” our relationship for the rest of our lives. We are committed to each other’s overall well-being, including, but not limited to, our partner’s physical and mental health, education, career, family, and financial stability.
4. Is there a sense of permanence?
When we take our vows, we expect them to be upheld until we are parted by death. Though we are not “morally opposed to divorce” (Newman, 2009, p. 213), we believe marriages are meant to last forever. We both acknowledge that every relationship takes work, and that there will be ups and downs throughout life. However, we are ready to meet the challenges together, and not give up by walking away.
5. What kinds of “couple” behaviors are expected?
To us, being a “couple” means being a vital part of the other’s life; being a couple means developing an identity separate from our former ‘single’ selves, and transforming it to be something that can only exist when we are together. Though we both value our independence, being a couple means “thinking less in terms of ‘me and mine’ and more in terms of ‘we and ours’” (Newman, 2009, p. 215).
Working situation
1. Stay at home parent/spouse or dual earning household? Why? While Whitney & Chris are in school, they will function as a dual earning household. Currently, Whitney works part time and goes to school full time, while Chris works full-time and is about to graduate. However, once Whitney graduates and Chris goes to Medical School, Whitney will work full-time to support the family, and Chris can work part time, as needed.
Once they have children, it would be ideal to have Whitney stay at home while the children are young. Should it ever be necessary, or desired, to have a dual earning household, Whitney will go back to work.
2. Domestic duties – How are the domestic duties going to be split up?
Cooking: While Chris is working shift work, he will be responsible for cooking dinner on the nights that he is off. Whitney will be responsible for making sure we groceries, and cooking on the nights that Chris is at work. Each person is responsible for their own breakfast, and lunch will be decided on a day to day basis.
Cleaning: Whitney is responsible for doing all household duties, unless she requests help from Chris, in which case, he will be obligated to help. Whitney will do laundry as it is needed. Sheets will be washed once weekly. The house will be dusted, windexed, vacuumed, mopped and bathrooms cleaned every 7-10 days. Chris is responsible for taking out the trash. In addition, it will be Whitney’s responsibility to cut the grass as needed, and tend to the flowerbed. Chris will have the duties of weed eating and edging.
Managing Family Relationships: Whitney will be primarily responsible for remembering birthdays, sending Christmas cards, and planning family time with both families. Chris and Whitney will be individually responsible for calling/keeping in touch with their respective families.
Pet Care: Whitney is responsible for feeding, bathing, and walking Mobley. She will also schedule and take Mobley to grooming, vet and training appointments. Chris is responsible for paying vet and grooming bills.
Whitney has taken on the majority of the domestic duties because she does not mind doing them. She enjoys cleaning, having a clean house, and keeping in touch with family. Chris is responsible for cooking because he enjoys doing so. Whitney also feels as if it is her contribution to the family to make sure we have a clean, organized and happy home.
Children
1. How many children?
We desire to have between 2-3 children.
2. How many years apart?
Ideally, the children would be more than 2, but less than 6 years apart.
3. If infertility becomes a problem with reproducing, what measures will be taken and why ?
Because we know ahead of time that infertility will be a problem, we have decided to just “see what happens” over the next 3 years. If we become pregnant naturally, we will be elated. However, if we do not conceive over the next 3 years, we will try fertility treatment. Because in-vitro fertilization is so expensive, we will try for 2-3 cycles before we consider adoption.
We have also discussed that even if we are able to have our own biological children, should we have the financial means, we would like to adopt.
We have determined this because, though we would like to try all options to have a biological child, we really just want to be parents. We have decided on this time frame because at that point, Chris will be finished with his 2nd year of Medical School
A. What if infertility treatments lead to 3, 4, 5+ embryos?
Should infertility treatment lead to more than 3 embryos, Whitney and Chris would consult her Doctor for the best course of action. However, Whitney is against selective reduction unless she is at a high risk for death.
If in-vitro fertilization let embryos that were not used by Whitney and Chris, and the desired number of children had been reached, they would donate the embryos to science. It has been decided that the embryos would not be available to be used be another couple.
4. Who will be the primary caretaker?
Raising children should be a joint effort. However, if Whitney is a stay at home mom, she will be primarily responsible for making sure children are cared for.
Raising children should be a joint effort. However, if Whitney is a stay at home mom, she will be primarily responsible for making sure children are cared for.
5. Hospital birth or home birth with midwife?
Whitney desires a hospital birth with the use of drugs.
6. After desired number of children are reached, will you actively prevent more pregnancies? Though we both agree that we would like to actively prevent future pregnancies, we cannot agree who would undergo surgery. Whitney does not desire a hysterectomy and Chris does not desire a vasectomy. We have agreed that when the time comes, we will play Paper, Rock, Scissors to decide. (Best 2 out of 3)
Hope everybody has a Happy Easter!
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